Watching what we do
The last several weeks I’ve felt like something is “missing” in my life but just can’t put my finger on “it”. I lead a boy’s bible study over at the Krause center and I had not been for a while. Between vacation, business travel, the kids summer schedules and a steady flow of problems & crisis at the job, I just had not made it for a few weeks. I was back in action on Tuesday evening and it was an evening filled with lessons (for me). With one exception, the older boys that were there back in early May are no longer there and most of the boys are younger (11-14). With few exceptions these are kids whose parents have given up or have disappeared from their lives. The last conversation I had back in May ended with giving my word to one of the older boys that I will be back “next week” followed by prayer wherein this young man shared his thankfulness for me being there with them and for “Good Christian men like Mr. Andre”. That prayer and his selection of words stuck with me and left me feeling overwhelmed and almost sick. As I walked out, being there had shifted to being a burden in my life that did not seem fair, like I was now responsible and it was now my “job” ……… and I already have a lot on my plate and…….. I ran. ”It doesn’t really matter what we expect from life, but rather what life expects from us. We need to stop asking about the fairness and meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life - daily and hourly and in each moment. Our answer must consist, not in mere talk and meditation, but in right action and right attitude and right conduct in the next step right before us. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to seek out and find, in our own unique path and process, whether it makes sense to others or not, the right answers to its so many questions and problems and to fulfill the unique purpose which it constantly sets before each of us every day, and to do so with breathtaking strokes of beauty, clarity, and creativity.” - Viktor E. Frankl, in Man’s Search for Meaning I stopped running and was back in action this Tuesday, hoping that no one that was there last time, would still be there to remember my last words or that last prayer but there he was, there was that same young man. And as I attempted to apologize and make up some lame excuse he let me off the hook and that felt even worse. And as I stood there mumbling I remembered his face lighting up many weeks ago when I told him that he mattered to me and to God, I remembered his tears as I shared that he is not his Dad and how in Christ all men are new again, I remember the smile as we talked about integrity and honoring our word like Christ honored His - and there I stood, remembering all this, remembering all of my words - wishing I could take them back, wishing I could just disappear - but I did neither. When Christ spoke, His Word was truth and it was life. What do you suppose this world would look like if I, you, we all honored our word like Christ honored His, like our word was Truth? Andrew Carnegie said: “As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.” Several weeks ago I fell down and as I walked out Tuesday evening I realized I had forgotten to get back up, I had forgotten that what had been missing the last several weeks was my word, was ….. Me. “Christ died for men precisely because men are not worth dying for; to make them worth it.”
“So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.” <br>Romans 7:21
C.S. Lewis: