Radical Love vs. Conventional Hate

I spent most of last week in Massachusetts on business and am finally caught up. I woke up last Tuesday and turned on the TV to see the violence and rioting that, per the news, was a reaction to a cartoon depiction of the prophet Mohammed. Hate, especially for our “enemies” comes so very easy these days. Prior to 9/11, when faced with that hate on TV we had the luxury of turning it off and pretending that what happens over “there” has no affect on over “here”. As 9/11 taught us - this is a lie. And over the last couple thousand years mankind has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that the fruit from the tree of fear & hate is more of the same.


Mark 12:28
“One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

When I was very young we moved from Oklahoma back to New Jersey. Prior to that time I do not remember having seen many people that were not white. We moved in with my grandmother into an area where white families were the minority. I found this to be refreshingly different until that day in 5th grade in 1968 when Martin Luther King was assassinated. I remember talking about the rioting in Newark, N.J., but figured that it was there not here and I was safe - I was not “safe”. On the way to school a large group of African American kids who I had never met appeared from behind me and started to throw rocks as I took the shortcut to school. As I began to run I remember a flurry of large rocks were hitting me in the back and then the one that hit me in the back of the head and I was down on the ground. This was followed by being kicked and then it was over. I was banged up but no worse for the wear except that I remember clearly it was on that day that I knew what it was to Fear and most of all to Hate.

Then several years ago in a personal development seminar along came Roy. Roy was a bright, dynamic, business owner and preacher that had pulled his family up and out to God and Roy was African American. The second day of this seminar was highlighted by an emotionally charged, life changing discussion that left me in a bit of a fog. Following this discussion, Roy and I were talking about love, and hate and truth and before I knew what was happening I blurted out my story of 30 years ago, complete with all of my hurt, and my hate. Many things could have come out of this amazing man’s mouth but what he said was - that he felt my pain, that he was truly sorry - and we talked of forgiveness and we prayed. This man would have been well justified in walking away but instead he dared to stand in the face of my fear and my pain and my hate and met it with Christ’s light, love and truth. And on that day, this man was, for me, the experience of Christ and I could not turn away.


Matthew 5:43-47
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?”

Continuing to do the same things over and over again and expect different results is commonly viewed as mental illness. I am not a politician and I do not pretend to fully grasp the whole of our world’s issues but I know what works. And on that day several years ago, Roy did not compare hurts, he did not tell me how offended he was, he did not argue the case with history, this man instead did something so extraordinary, something that I had not done - he obeyed God. This man who owed me nothing put aside his own pain and handed me the key to let go of my pain and my hate that rotted away within me for almost 30 years. And, as I write it brings tears to my eyes once again. It was shortly after this experience that I rediscovered God, patiently awaiting my return.

So, you and I, we can keep doing the same things we have been doing, puzzled as to why nothing ever changes, or we can do something so radical, so off the charts, so life changing, that the results are almost always unpredictable, we can - obey God.


1 Cor 13:4-8
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Roy, wherever you are, thank you for changing my life.

Leadership & Listening


“So Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “The thing that you do is not good. Both you and these people who are with you will surely wear yourselves out. For this thing is too much for you; you are not able to perform it by yourself. Listen now to my voice; I will give you counsel, and God will be with you:”
Exodus 18:17-19

So here is Moses, the head honcho, 10 Commandments, burning bush, the whole deal, receiving, listening to and readily accepting advice from his father in-law who Moses himself had led to God. I remember a company meeting about 6 years ago (I’m no longer there) when after our CEO repeatedly requested questions and assured us any question was fair game, an engineer that worked for me stood up and asked - ” why, after several years of losing money on this one product line, we had not considered shifting funding to other historically under-funded areas.” As I cringed, knowing that this project was our CEO’s personal pet project, the response netted out to - “…. this is our strategy, it is not incumbent upon you to comprehend such strategy and if you find this strategy troubling perhaps you should look elsewhere for areas to contribute.” Hmmmm…. I could feel the “open” door slamming this very talented engineer in the face. He resigned 2 months later. 4 more resigned within months. Of course times are tougher now and now he’d probably just have to live with it. Wouldn’t the morale of that group be super!?

“For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.”
Romans 12:3

Whether as leaders in our families or at work, we must set the tone for communication. Yes, we must communicate clearly and consistently but more importantly leaders MUST be good listeners. When we stop listening or our pride gets in the way, we can no longer hear what is and isn’t being said and that spreads throughout the family, the team at work, the entire company. If you can put out ideas without risk or threat of deep personal investment and pride amazing things tend to happen. As a manager for two previous companies by focusing on little more than listening and deinvesting myself and my teams of “the way it is”, I have seen off the chart results that in one case created such a buzz I soon found myself invited (unfortunately) to more executive meetings than any one human being can possibly stand. And somewhere along the way my ego conused this success not as reflected glory from God but as the sole result of my own glorious management. Ironically, I have been unable for several years to create that same buzz in my own family that has come so easily to me in a corporate setting and in 2006, my focus is to bring that to my family.


“Thus says the LORD:
‘Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom,
Let not the mighty man glory in his might,
Nor let the rich man glory in his riches;
But let him who glories glory in this,
That he understands and knows Me,’”
Jeremiah 9:23-24

Beyond listening, Leadership also requires that we have an idea of where we are leading to and before we lead others we must first lead ourselves. Without a clear sense of who we are and where we are going our leadership doesn’t really matter. In Alice in Wonderland, when Alice came to a fork in the road and couldn’t decide which way to go, Alice asked the Cheshire cat for advice. The cat asks her where she is going and Alice says she doesn’t know. The cat then responds, ‘Then it doesn’t matter much which way you go”. Smart cat!
Whether at work or at home, if everyone does not understand or is not excited about where you’re “leading” the team begins to lose it’s way.

So, how do we find our way and keep on the right path? To start with, for my money Truth with a capital ‘T’ always provides the best return on investment. Truth restores and cleanses our relationships, our families and our teams at work. Encounters with Truth transform lives and it is those transformed lives that transform our families, our communities, our teams and our corporations. So my friends, here’s to successul leadership the way God designed it and Christ modeled it.


“I will lead them in paths they have not known.
I will make darkness light before them, And crooked places straight.
These things I will do for them, And not forsake them”
Isaiah 42:16

Some day, One day


“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the atomic age - as in being able to remake ourselves.”
Mohandas Gandhi

The words below are inscribed on the tomb of an Anglican Bishop in Westminster Abby around 1100 AD.

“When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.

But it, too, seemed immovable.

As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.

And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed myself first, then my example I would have changed my family.

From their inspiration and encouragement- and, who knows, I may have even changed the world.”

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
Matthew 7:3

And feel free to substitute, husband’s, wife’s, child’s for “brother’s”. Some day one day, when she gets her act together, when he stops his bad habits, when they become more supportive, when my husband makes time, when life gets easier, when my boss stops criticizing me, when the humidity drops, some day one day …. THEN……

To borrow from C.S. Lewis: “Christ died for men precisely because men are not worth dying for; to make them worth it.”

The Bible is heavy with living examples that it is not how we start, it is how we finish. So, this is your life, you were created to shine and your life is worth living.

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
Romans 12:2

If not now….. when??